One late Friday evening, a young woman waited outside her office building for a pre-booked share cab. Amidst the heavy rain, she was barely visible under the umbrella and the weight of her heavy bags. After great difficulty, the cab driver located her near the traffic signal. She hopped in, sighed and closed her eyes, letting a sense of calmness take over.
A hundred meters away, a lanky man saw a cab
turn at the signal and wondered if it was the one he was waiting for since the
last 30 minutes. To his relief, it was and he allowed his drenched self into
the cab almost immediately. He had barely noticed the young woman submerged under
her bags.
As this was the woman’s daily mode of commute,
she should have ideally been used to other people sharing the cab with her.
However, she always felt like it was an invasion of her personal space. Already
queasy due to the wet weather, the entry of a man into the cab only made her
more uncomfortable. Adding dampness to the situation, the man was unapologetic
about entering the cab completely drenched. He then doused himself with a
familiar deodorant that she had learnt to hate.
The man was grateful to be sitting down after
hours of running around for an event at work. He had just noticed the tiny girl
sharing the cab with him and she looked like she was judging him. He was not
sure whether striking a conversation about the horrible weather and explaining
about his broken umbrella would help. He hoped that spraying a deodorant would reduce
the dankness in the air. Through a half glance, he noticed she possibly was
older than she looked. Gauging from the corporate look and the many bags, he tagged
her as one of those high-driven consultants who had no time for family. The man
mentally ticked the names of all the acquaintances he knew who were in similar
professions and did not value family. He wished he still had one to go back
home to.
The woman looked at the raindrops race each
other off the window. She used to love rains when she was younger, but ever
since her mother passed away five monsoons ago, her feelings towards it became neutral.
Apart from many memories, her mother had left her a small apartment where she
lived alone and her father’s last name “Martin”. She bore the last name of a
person she had never met. Her father too might be dead for all she knew, as her
parents separated quite early on. The only memory of him was the ridiculous fragrance
of the deodorant she just got a whiff of and engulfed her in loneliness once again.
The man seemed intrigued by the petite woman
sitting silently next to him. Something seemed familiar about her. Was it her
short curly hair or the glassy stare or was it the rhythmic finger tapping? He could
not quite place her and settled for the possibility that they might have shared
a cab together at some point in time. He unlocked his mobile phone and
habitually looked at photos of the family he once had. How he regretted leaving
the only thing worth living for! After 25 years, to think of getting in touch
with his ex-wife and a glimpse of his only daughter both scared and pained him.
The woman looked at her watch and estimated it
would take another half hour to reach home. She had left office relieved to be
finally away from the job she hated. Ironically, she had nothing to look forward
to at home either. Many years ago, she questioned her parents’ divorce on the
sole fact that her father’s sexual orientation was different. Now she was not
sure which way her thoughts were swinging. As a child, she bore the resentment
that she had to be a part of that decision but growing up she realized it was
for the best. She lightly touched her chain and felt her mother’s wedding ring,
worn as a pendant. She always wondered why her mother still held on to it.
The cab driver looked into the rear view mirror
and observed the two passengers. He was used to passengers sitting silently in
his cab and this made driving peaceful for him. The elderly gentleman and the
young woman did not seem to know each other. However, the way they kept
glancing at each other contemplatively made it seem that they were once acquainted. Amused, he looked at their names and wondered if asking a clichéd question would
seem foolish.
It would be an unlikely possibility as a cab
driver to meet the same passengers together again. He broke the silence and asked,
“Do you both know each other? You’ll share the same last name – Martin”
The passengers looked at each other for the first time in the cab ride and ridiculed the cab driver. Just as they tore away their glances, the woman noticed a familiar photo on the man’s phone and the man spotted a familiar ring on the woman’s neck.
Very nice brought out the scene in front of our eyes and emotions too
ReplyDeleteVery well written 👏❤️
ReplyDeleteLove the ending and the entire build up. The short story has managed to engage the visual senses, give a pretty good background to the charectors as well.
ReplyDeleteNicely written, you did force ppl to imagine the scenes!
ReplyDeleteVery nicely written - I liked how you described the concept of shared space and used that to allow shared thoughts to rest. I also like the relative open-ended-ness where the reader is allowed to imagine what transpired afterwords. A taut piece, well done.
ReplyDeleteAmazing plot and characters! Looking forward to more stories from your imaginative mind written in your splendid way! This post is the first of many more intricate and soulful stories certainly! Way to go, Anji! All the best:D
ReplyDeleteVery nice , smooth flow and the end para was catching. Well written
ReplyDeleteVery nicely conceptuaized story.Requires a very great imagination
ReplyDeleteThe story and the narrative are important to keep the reader glued till coming legion. You have succeeded in both and I really enjoyed the same. Keep writing and my best wishes
ReplyDeleteVery well written with a good build up
ReplyDeleteVery touching and well Conceptualized to keep us going to read further and further to atlast come to the climax.. Beautifully written... TRUE writer in the grooming
ReplyDeleteVery well written ,the details you have added makes the story alive.
ReplyDeleteVery nice and well written
ReplyDeleteVery well written. Intriguing details well conceived.
ReplyDeleteLiked the intrigue in the story, but unsure if it ended up as we might expect or do they drift off thier own way without reaching out to the other dye to the guilt
ReplyDeleteLovely story and very well- written !!
ReplyDeleteExcellant narrating skills !!
ReplyDeleteVery well written short story in simple language. You have a grip in the language and try for a good novel. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteVery well written. Loved the details which is looped together beautifully. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteSimple, taut and a lovely read...Love the way you write Anjana...Waiting for more...
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written!! I loved how the story unfolded and how you built it up to a perfectly intriguing and satisfying ending...Would love to read more of your creative work!
ReplyDeleteReally really enjoyed it! I really liked the fact that it was short but still so gripping.
ReplyDeleteUnknown15 September 2020 at 17:33
ReplyDeleteVery well written, really enjoyed it!! Characters introduction is the best part
Great articulation! Could make an amazing scene to picturize!
ReplyDeleteVery well written!
ReplyDeleteVery well written story. You can see actually visualise the scenes with the characters in it... nicely written.. would love to read more...
ReplyDeleteVery well written in simple and understandable language.👌👍
ReplyDeleteLovely story.
ReplyDeleteVery well written all d best
ReplyDeleteVery well written
ReplyDeleteBeautiful piece of fiction, so well written that it doesn't appear to be a story but a real life incident. Creditable achievement for a first timer. Expecting more such stories
ReplyDeleteWell written, Anjana. A good first attempt at fiction. You left me craving. Yeh dil maange more😊.
ReplyDeleteWow,well written..
ReplyDeleteUnknown to each other,at the same time nearer...guessing the ending
Wel don,all the best for more blogs..
I liked the way the harsh facts of their lives were spun! The narration made me uncomfortable about them accidentally sitting together in a cab and thinking about each other without realising their identity.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how the ride ended for them!
Congratulations! You have the story telling skill and I would like to read more of your stories! All the best!
It's an art to keep the reader engaged and glued to the story right from the beginning. You have managed to do this with ease and this is a very commendable feat for a first timer. It really doesn't look like you've written for the first time! Keep writing & keep nourishing our souls with your rasam !
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading I could imagine each and every scene and expression that you have penned down. I must say it's written very well. Looking forward for more
ReplyDeleteVery well narrated, I could imagine the two passengers and their expressions so well. I'm looking forward for more..... Rameet
ReplyDeleteWow. Very well written! Loved the way you described and gave importance to each character. Suspense was ultimate and not predictable.
ReplyDeleteWow. Very well written! Loved the way you described and gave importance to each character. Suspense was ultimate and not predictable.
ReplyDelete